


one last kiss (of ruined experiments and moral quandaries)

by starlightlesbian



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: F/M, anywya im sad and this is a birthday gift to myself, canon compliant up to and including the s4 premiere, chidi with bangs nation rise up, this one goes out to the h-llstroppies gc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 01:21:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20857886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightlesbian/pseuds/starlightlesbian
Summary: eleanor just can't let go.





	one last kiss (of ruined experiments and moral quandaries)

The past few weeks had been nothing but difficult. Eleanor Shellstrop never thought that seeing Chidi smile would be  _ painful _ for her. To see the giddy excitement he got when a concept clicked, and she seemed genuinely interested in it — Plato or Aristotle or Kant. And he would go off on a rant, and she would just look at him, enthralled, for once not throwing in quips or comments and realise she was smiling too. 

_ That _ was the effect he had on her. An Arizona trashbag, turned into a smiling puddle of mush. Mush, not unlike the pile of candy bars she’d stolen from the whatever scouts selling them outside of the grocery store and had left in the trunk of the Uber she was using under her neighbor’s credit card and name exactly two weeks before her original death. Whatever, she wasn’t that person anymore. 

And it had been really shitty chocolate anyway. 

Chidi was the one that had changed her, that much was certain. No matter Eleanor’s own efforts that she exerted, he was always the catalyst. Always the one to inspire her. The one to help her, teach her.

It wasn’t her fault she missed it, okay?

And that’s how she’s sitting in his house, warm in all of it’s autumnal colors and expansive bookshelves, drumming her pencil against her notebook, and it feels like old times. A Good Place architect had reason to be sitting in a classroom setting, really. If it made the residents more comfortable, she could do it, she’d told him, straightening the lapels of her blazer (sidenote: she  _ really _ loved a good suit.) That’s what a good architect does. And this is, after all, the Good Place. 

It wasn’t like she was ruining the experiment, or anything. 

* * *

“This could absolutely ruin the experiment,” Michael told her, exasperated, as Mindy St. Claire eyed them suspiciously from the backyard. She was high as a kite on her freshest supply of sympathy cocaine, and was making sure none of them were stealing it — and it definitely wasn’t hidden in Mindy’s underwear drawer.  _ I assure you, Mindy, none of us have any intention of going in your underwear drawer. I met Victoria — her surname doesn’t matter — and let me tell you, some things are better left secret.  _ Tahani had given that particularly lengthy pledge nearly an hour ago. 

“You see, I don’t think it can,” Eleanor said, sucking air in through her teeth. Even though she really wasn’t all that certain about the effects of it. 

“Oh, it absolutely could.” Janet chirped, surprisingly cheerful for someone who had had to fetch Brent six different Five Hour Energy drinks, despite the fact that one didn’t need them in the Good Place.  _ He just likes the taste _ , Janet had informed them, through clenched teeth. 

“Look — it’s not like I’m in class with those bozos, okay? The fact that, that Simone even accepted any of this, and that she and John are even learning from him is proof that the experiment is going fine anyway!” Eleanor was indignant, but she knew, deep down: Janet and Michael were right. While she hadn’t exactly influenced John and Simone — they were still figuring out how to deal with everyone’s least favorite materials manufacturer — to ask Chidi for help … she certainly was influencing  _ him _ . 

“Maybe Eleanor is right. I mean — Michael, you said it yourself. In every version that we were here, meant to be torturing one another, Chidi agreed to help Eleanor. And then, by extension, me and Jason. Perhaps he’s extending the same care to John and … ” She paused, purposely diverting gaze away from Eleanor. “Simone.” 

That somehow hurt worse than anything else; the idea that Eleanor hadn’t been special. That it had just been Chidi’s ethical duty to help her, that any special attention was incidental. Thousands of times over, but merely based on human behavior. What anyone would have done, and what he would have done for anyone. 

“Look, hot stuff, I appreciate you playing defense — ”

“Bortles!” Jason cried, from his position in the corner, absolutely invested in whatever game was being played on a Gameboy Advance that Mindy had — it was her only source of interactive entertainment. Well, she’d said, scoffing. Other than the porn. 

Eleanor pointedly ignored him. “But … maybe they’re right. If I … somehow threw it and it affected Chidi…”

“We tried that anyway, Tahani.” Michael said bleakly. “There was one reboot where Eleanor wasn’t there at all.”

“What?” A blonde head whipped around to look at him. Michael shrugged, waving a hand flippantly towards her. 

“We wanted to see if you were consistently the only reason for Chidi helping Jason and Tahani. It took … I don’t know,  _ twelve _ years for Tahani to realize she wasn’t in the Good Place, and when she told Chidi, he realised he wasn’t in the Good Place either, and immediately turned himself in — ”

_ “Twelve years?”  _

Michael continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “Jason exposed himself almost immediately after one of the demons working at  _ Ice Ice Gravy _ tried to antagonize him by insulting the Jacksonville Jaguars. That was a great reboot. The only restaurants served dishes covered in gravy. That one was an ice cream parlor. 

“We had to pretend that there was a mix-up with the soul mates, and Tahani’s other half was … actually Chidi. To sort of nudge things along.” He explained. 

“It was one of our least successful reboots,” Janet added. 

Eleanor relaxed, visibly, shoulders losing a certain tenseness she hadn’t known they gained. 

“But — he did help her. You just … expedite the process.” Michael said. “Substantially.” He looked at her firmly then, shaking his head. “Which is why you can’t be involved any more. He can’t … practice teaching on you. You’re effectively a dartboard for him to throw philosophical lessons at instead of flaming arrows made of feces and the essence of a root canal.” 

“Don’t think that’s how dart boards work.”

“Oh, it is in the Bad Place.” 

Tahani grimaced, and Eleanor moved on quickly. “I just — ”

Not it was Michael’s turn to interrupt. “I told you on the night of Tahani’s party. I know it’s hard to think of him and Simone … connecting. But any efforts you make to keep them separated, or to encourage one not to pursue the other, could be weighted against you by the Judge.” 

“That’s not what I’m doing!” She objected, so abruptly that it caused even Jason to look up from his video game. Eleanor slowed, taking in a deep, heavy breath. “I’m not trying to seperate them, I just — I just miss him.” She hated how it made her sound, how un-Eleanor it was to admit vulnerability. 

The familiar coo of Tahani’s sympathy sounded out. “Oh, Eleanor…”

“Look,” Eleanor said, sticking her hand out, as if to halt Michael and Tahani from saying anything else. “I’ll … talk to him. And tell him that he should focus on making friends with the other residents more instead of the Architect. That … it’s been a year since we’ve started, and I can get any more philosophical knowledge I need from Janet.” 

“When I’m not busy building butter rivers to go along with popcorn rivers,” Janet said tightly, and she looked as tired as a not-a-robot could. 

“That was one—”

“And now I have to go get Brent a copy of Playboy where all of the models are blonde. And all of them have above a D-cup.” She quoted, through gritted teeth. Then — she was gone to deliver whatever other horrifying array of requests she had to make good on promises to give. 

After a moment of silence, Eleanor nodded. “I’ll talk to him. Good — uh, good work team.” She tried her best not to show the expression of sadness on her face. 

* * *

Exactly forty seven minutes had passed since she’d told Chidi Anagonye she had too many obligations as an architect to continue their lessons, exactly forty since she’d gone through those same doors to Michael’s office — her office, she supposed, wryly — and received an all too familiar parade of hugs and reassurances. Exactly thirty five since she’d asked to be alone. It hadn’t gotten easier, over the thirteen and a half months since she had to walk Chidi into his home, and since he’d forgotten her name. 

But he was good on his word. He hadn’t forgotten since. 

Eleanor. She still loved the way he said her name. She remembers it, the stressed stomach ache  _ Eleanor _ from their iterations of both of them learning to be better, the soft-spoken  _ Eleanor _ from nights spent in tangled sheets, the half-annoyed, half-charmed  _ Eleanor _ when she’d gone off on some kind of tangent during one of their lessons.  _ Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor.  _ He could listen to her say her name all day, and —

“Eleanor?”

_ Fork _ . 

She hadn’t realised she’d been crying until she turns to face him, turns to face Chidi, standing in the doorway of her office, fist poised to knock on the door one of her departing friends had left open. Tear glides in the opposite direction, sideways across pale cheek, and he falters as she swipes it away. He seems surprised — as if he hadn’t been quite certain she could cry. 

“I can … come back, if this is not a good time. Or, uh, I — ” She could tell, tell that the nervous energy was rising up in him again, and it’s all she wants in the world to reach out and offer him a comforting hand. “I — I mean are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Chidi, what did you need?” She straightened her back, and blinks out any stray moisture from her eyes, trying to put on her best  _ helpful _ voice. It’s more Janet and less Michael, but she’d never really gotten the whole Architect thing down, even in such a long span of time. 

“I mean, if you’re not alright,” He plowed through as if he hadn’t heard her. “I just didn’t know Architects were prone to being so emotional. Not that I think you’re being emotional. Or … over-emotional. Just that —”

“I’m human,” She blurted, and all she could think is stupid, impulsive Eleanor, and she wished she could take it back, shove the words back into her mouth, slam the door and ignore him, but instead Chidi blinks in surprise. 

“You’re …”

“Architects are human.” She clarified, trying not to show that she was perhaps somehow more panicked than he had been moments prior. “To … get better in touch with how the humans we create for operate. But it’s supposed to be a secret.” She finished sagely, and another tear rolls down her cheek, seemingly as proof.  _ She’s ruining everything. _

“Oh,” He echoed, staring at her. 

“Oh.” She replied, arm swinging in front of her in an  _ oh, well,  _ motion. “Cat’s out of the bag. Do you want a cat? We can get you a cat. To … rectify the fact that you’ve been—” 

“I … don’t need a cat.” He assured her. 

“Right. More of a dog person anyway.” She glossed over it quickly, and Chidi moved on, as if he could sense her embarrassment. 

“But, uh, it actually — knowing you’re human, I mean, helps me with an important … moral quandary. I really enjoyed our lessons, Eleanor. And if I can be candid —” He looked to her, almost as if for permission, and she nodded blankly, stomach swirling. Eleanor with a stomach ache instead of him, it’s the kind of bitterly ironic thing she would laugh about if it were any other situation. “I think you taught me a lot too. You ask difficult questions, and you don’t take indecision or multiple answers for an answer. You — you helped me make choices on what I think, and what I want, and …” He trailed off, and he looked at her again. 

Eleanor pauses. “What, uh,” she asked, because it’s all she can focus on in the midst of the warmth that’s returned to her body.  _ I think you taught me a lot too. I really enjoyed our lessons. _

“What was your moral quandary?”

“If,” he said. “It was ethical … for me to take a certain … interest in you.” 

_ You helped me make choices.  _

“Chidi?”

He didn’t move, or respond. 

“I think I can help you with that too.”

And then he stepped forward, and with the utmost decisiveness, he kissed her. And she kissed him back. And it felt so familiar, and so perfect, and so much like how things should have been, and should continue to have been, that the ache in her chest as they part rivaled any sort of pain of having not being able to kiss him in the first place.

And the smile on his face still hurt, no matter that she was the one that caused it. Because Eleanor Shellstrop knew, deep inside, that it couldn’t stay. 

* * *

Gen looked at them with scrutiny through the screen floating in the air, and when her voice rings out, Eleanor is snapped out of her memories of the past days.  “You’re telling me that I need to let you reboot them again because blondie here couldn’t keep it in her pants? I mean trust me, I get it, the whole nerdy professor thing gets my engine roaring too…”

Eleanor restrained herself this time, because they’re looking for sympathy.

“...but come on? Really?” 

“I think this is just proof that the experiment sucks, and all of them suck major donkey dong, and they deserve to go down here with me.” Trevor added. Eleanor had no idea why he was even on the other side of the screen to begin with.

“Hey,” said Jason, from the other side of the actual, physical room. “Don’t talk about Donkey Doug like that.” 

Eleanor, as seemingly was the habit in serious moments, ignored him.  “The Bad Place got a turn to royally fork things up,” she said, “And they actually did it on purpose.” 

“Uh, yeah, because that’s how you’re supposed to do it.” Trevor added again. Gen rolled her eyes, and clicked off the stream to the Bad Place, clearly already annoyed by their antics.

“Fine. One last turn, one last ride, whatever. But I’m ready to go back to watching Dexter, and Trevor told me the last season is really good. So … you’re on your own after this, mkay. Consider yourselves… reset. Permission granted. Just — don’t bother me again, okay?” 

The faux screen flicked off, and the light of hopefulness in her eyes that somehow things would be absolved entirely through … fork if she knew, the power of love? … went with it. Eleanor turns to to the rest of the team — sans Chidi, and her heart ached again. 

“We’re … going with the plan of me having to be the architect again,” Eleanor said tightly, trying her best not to look distraught. “As per the Judge’s plans. Chidi is still the fourth member of the experiment, along with Simone, Brent and John. Got it?”

“I have… one question,” Jason said slowly. “Is Chidi going to still not remember you, or are you guys going to make out again? It’s getting a little confusing.” 

* * *

She straightens the lapels of her blazer again, staring holes into the thick wooden doors in front of her. On the other side was … well, she knew by now what was on the other side.

She opens the doors, and then, eyes lock on familiar green text before they turn to the familiar man sitting in front of them. 

“Chidi? Come on in.” 


End file.
